“The Four Corners”

Caring for your mental health alone isn’t sufficient for well-being as a singer—it is one piece of the puzzle. Read in this personal essay one singer’s story of finding balance in mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional health in the midst of personal turmoil, chronic illness, and the career challenges those difficulties yielded.

What does it mean to be sound in mind, body, and soul? We hear this often, yet so many of us let the words escape just as abruptly as they’re spoken without truly internalizing them. Mental health is certainly important, but human beings need to be completely balanced in order to achieve their maximum potential. How do we care for ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and physically while keeping a keen eye on mental health? It is almost too much for anyone living today—especially if that person is single, living alone, or traveling substantially. The older we get, the more we realize how critical it is to be centered. It is impossible to be clear, focused and present when these four areas (or corners) of our life are not tended to regularly. 

After relocating to New York City from Houston, Texas, to become a professional classical singer, I had a spiritual faith practice, a partner, a workout routine, and what I would describe as relative peace of mind. As the city, the industry, and life in general quietly chipped away at my comfort, I found myself suffering from major depression and anxiety. I use the excellent health insurance I had at the time to see a psychiatrist and begin low doses of recommended medication.

Nonetheless, after a few months I observed that I still wasn’t fulfilled, and my artistry, work, and personal life began to suffer. I attributed some of this to letting my faith fall by the wayside while I hustled hard to get auditions and gigs. So, off to church I went. Christian, Charismatic Christian, The Foursquare church, Baptist, Episcopal, Church of Christ, Judaism, Jehovah’s Witness, Buddhism—you name it, and I’ve probably dabbled in it. I was utterly lost and overwhelmed with isolation. As a result, I wasn’t connecting to music as easily or creating art with real purpose. 

A few years later, through locating my ancestry and researching the spiritual practice of my tribal ancestors, I had finally found a spiritual practice that I identified with. However, I must credit this finding to a disaster that pretty much came in tandem with the complete undoing of my emotional support. One day, my husband just up and left, never to return. Once again, I got serious about my mental health, seeing my therapist and psychiatrist regularly to talk out my pain, check in on my meds, heal, and move forward. However, this process doesn’t always follow the timing we map out for ourselves. Mentally I was moderately stable and showing up for rehearsals on time, but I was hollow, numb, and withdrawn. And so was my singing. 

The morning my husband left, I stopped working out. That was the beginning of a four-year health battle to my current diagnoses of fibromyalgia and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). Living with these invisible illnesses can be highly manageable if you are young, active, and eat a healthy diet, which also went out the door when my relationship ended. 

Within months of his departure, I was stricken with physical ailments I had never had before. Ulcers, lumps in my breasts (that were biopsied and found to be benign lipomas), complete loss of appetite, extreme weight loss, severe allergic reactions to most food, chronic fatigue, chronic pain all over my body, hair loss, sleep apnea, burns, bruises, extreme depression, and the like. With my family in Texas and friends scattered about from the divorce, I found myself alone and totally responsible for getting back on track physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Where does one in such pitiful shape begin?

We learn very early in life that when we are physically ill, we may visit a pharmacy or doctor for relief. If the issue progresses, then we may need emergency care or surgery. If our parents are vigilant, they may notice troubled behavior in us, such as learning disabilities or behavioral disorders. Given financial means, there’s no doubt they would seek help right away from a doctor or specialist. As we grow into our own and become young adults, suddenly it is upon us to cultivate whatever spiritual practice we were raised with or abandon it altogether in search of another vessel to fill our souls. 

What doctor do you consult when you are so emotionally sick that you can’t stop the pain long enough to sing an aria? When grief is so palpable that your taste buds detect its presence, with no way of controlling how long it will last, and the balance in any one of your other areas is amiss, who guides us on how to rebalance and operate in general?

Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch has a Ted Talk with several many million views titled “Why we all need to practice emotional first aid.” I highly recommend taking 16 minutes of your day to lend an ear to what he has to say. You won’t find any spoiler alerts here, though I will share some of his genius with you. He begins by posing the paraphrased question: Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to our culture than our psychological (mental and emotional) health? The short answer: probably for the same reasons we as a people commenced daily personal hygiene a mere one hundred years ago (according to him).

He continues, explaining that we experience psychological injuries just as much if not more than physical ones. Some of these wounds include failure, loneliness, and all forms of manipulation and abuse. Like physical fractures or abrasions, these too will get worse if you do not treat them. 

Finally, Dr. Winch behooves us to take action when confronted with situations that leave us ruminating, such as disagreements, rejection, or perceived poor performance. Rumination damages our self-esteem even further, like putting salt in a wound, and can be a deadly habit, provoking severe depression, eating disorders, addiction, and heart disease. Like most habits, this one requires focus to defeat, but Dr. Winch assures us that studies have shown that a minor two-minute distraction is sufficient to break this urge until it passes. If you practice this, within just one week your outlook will be more positive and hopeful.

He challenges us to change our response to failure, protect our self-esteem, and battle negative thinking. Do not allow yourself to be convinced that you cannot succeed because of the emotional pain you may be in. Prioritize your psychological (mental and emotional) health and strive to create stability in your spiritual and physical practices as well. Go in for a check-up. Acquire the tools you need for good emotional hygiene. Only then will you heal and build emotional resilience.

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And do not despair, friends. Many of us have 40 or 50 years of wounds that need mending, and the good news is that it is never too late to stop the bleeding. Your life can be saved at any time; there is not an age limit. The faster you find the root of your contention, the faster you live your best life as your best self.

My original outline for this topic of “mental health” was to interview a few colleagues about mental health in conjunction to being a creative artist and how this affected their careers and personal lives. Jonathan Levin (world renowned pianist and motion graphics designer), Jonah Piali (choir director and voice instructor at Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts) and J’Nai Bridges (world famous mezzo-soprano) were among those with whom I conferred. 

Each conversation drifted toward the other three main components of wellness (spiritual, emotional, and physical) and how one spills into another with no regard for an individual’s personal situation, be it dating, time management, career shifts, or other autonomic tragedies. It was impossible to focus on solely one of these topics without acknowledging the others. I am not a doctor or scientist; however, I do believe they are all connected and should be recognized as such, particularly within the creative community.

I’m fortunate to have a team of doctors who help me stay on track. A primary care physician, cardiologist, neurologist, gastroenterologist, physical therapist, spiritual guide and healer, psychologist, psychiatrist, and for the next few weeks, a personal trainer. Hopefully your health tour on this Earth will not include such an immense entourage. All the same, we have arrived at the summit. Allow yourself access to all four of these corners as often as possible. Get to know what you genuinely need in order to thrive.

Access to information leads to resources. Don’t ever give up, and follow your gut. I wish you well on your journey down a refreshing path of peace. May you find yourself with excess time and energy where you never had it before.

link to article HERE